Thank You!

I just wanted to tell everybody thank you for all your love and support through this difficult time, it means so much. I have been busy taking care of lots of paper work and trying to adjust to this new way of living. I am so thankful for my family and all the loving support that they give me. It is good to have spring time coming and being able to see the flowers blooming and hear the birds sing. Each day is a new challange and I have certainly learned a lot. I know that Heavenly Father loves us and that Ted is not far away. Thank you all again.
~Shirley

ODAAT

I'm sitting at the airport waiting for my flight to Salt Lake and i have to admit I'm scared to death. This will be the first time I've gone back since dad died 2 months ago. I'm so afraid to walk into the house like i always have and find him sitting in his chair watching TV...like he always did. I'm afraid to wake up on the couch where i always slept (even though there were plenty of empty beds) and hearing him say "Hey Bert! How about some waffs?" (short for waffles) He had such a funny way of abbreviating everything. I have a feeling that the reality of his death will finally hit me. I've done pretty well at holding myself together...or at least better than i thought i would. I'm nervous to go to the cemetery and most of all, afraid to break down in front of mom. In spite of the fear of all these things, i am so excited to see my family. I miss them terribly and feel so far away. I think this trip is going to pretty emotional but i'm counting on the happy to outweigh the sad.

I've adopted a new motto for myself and have gone so far as to write it on the inside of wrist every morning at work so i can see it all the time: ODAAT - One Day At A Time

Fingers crossed.

I have never been good at expressing my feelings and usually keep them to myself but I am having such a hard time. I am feeling so angry at that my Dad had to be taken away from us so soon. You know everybody keeps saying that it was his time to go that he had completed his time here on earth but I keep have that angry feeling about us what about us his family that has been left here without him??? How do I go on without him here for me, to talk to me, to help me, to be there when I need him? Maybe I am just being selfish but it is not fair that Heavenly Father would do something like this to me to my family. I hate the thought of my mom having to be home alone by herself especially at night not being able to have my dad there with her just his presence being there knowing that she is not alone and there is somebody else in the house with her. I have been told that I need to have faith but how can I when I tried to have faith in the hospital that he would get better and Heavenly Father still took him away from me! How is it every going to get any easier knowing that is going to be so long until I see him? I really don't see how people who have gone through something like this keep going. It is always on my mind I try to keep busy so that I don't think about it as often but it is so hard. I miss him so much!!! This really sucks! Dad you were the best Dad that anybody could ask for your kindness and caring for other the way you loved us and our kids. I don't think that I ever told you enough how much I appreciated everything that you did for me I love you so much!
~Tricia~

Happy Birthday Dad

I Love You.

-Robbie

Letter To Dad

Letter to Dad:
Dear Dad,
If only I would have written you this letter last month (41 days ago to be exact); you would have been here to read it. I can't even express in words the love that I feel for you but I think you know. My heart aches not having you here by my side. I'm so proud to have you as my Dad and I am so greatful to have such a wonderful father whose love is endless. Your smile can brighten a room, your voice can make anyone's day complete, and you hugs made me feel loved and appricated. On January 3rd I came to your house and we shared a quick hello, you stood by the car door as we left, smiling until the door shut and that smile has not left me. At that moment I never thought that it would have been the last time I saw you smiling. I love you Dad with all my heart and I'm so thankful for your wonderful example and your endless love for me. You are awesome, You're the best, You rock, and you are my best friend!!
I love you Dad and I miss you so so much!

Love, "Brown Lindsey"

February 1, 2009

February 1, 2009- I'm struggling! There have been days when I know Dad is there comforting me, but for the most part I'm struggling. I feel so far away from my family. I try to go on everyday for my husband and kids but what I really want to do is crawl in a cocoon for about 6 months, I don't want to talk to anyone about it, and I don't want anyone to ask me anymore "How am I doing?" I know they mean well, but my heart starts to race and I cant breath! this happens to me all day long every day. I cant stop crying! & I cant stop hurting! I just want to hear his voice, or pass him on the road or have one last hug and slap on the back so hard it collapses a lung. I'm worrying terribly about our Mom being alone, I don't want her to be sad and alone @ the same time. I'm praying as much now as when I was in the hospital and reading my scriptures trying to find comfort in them. I feel a special closeness with Brian who has been an amazing support for me. As for today, another day of deep painful heartache. I miss my friend, secret keeper, mischief making negotiator, Dad. I wish you were here, I was not ready to let you go, I probably never would have been even if you lived until 100. Every second of every day are filled with thoughts of you. I know in time my heart will heal.
One things for sure! We are One Close Family! and there is a lot of love between us.
-Cheryl

January 26, 2009

I have not yet written on the blog so I thought that I would take this opportunity to thank all of the friends that came to dad's memorial on Saturday. It was wonderful to see all the friends and family that we have not seen in so long. Also a special thank you to all the people who helped with everything it is very much appreciated. I know that dad was smiling down on us that day and loved to see all the fun and memories about him and everybody eating the food that he loved! He truly made an impact on so many lives and will truly be missed. I love you dad and can't wait for the day that I will be able to see you again!!!
~Tricia~