Friday, February 13, 2009

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Letter To Dad

Letter to Dad:
Dear Dad,
If only I would have written you this letter last month (41 days ago to be exact); you would have been here to read it. I can't even express in words the love that I feel for you but I think you know. My heart aches not having you here by my side. I'm so proud to have you as my Dad and I am so greatful to have such a wonderful father whose love is endless. Your smile can brighten a room, your voice can make anyone's day complete, and you hugs made me feel loved and appricated. On January 3rd I came to your house and we shared a quick hello, you stood by the car door as we left, smiling until the door shut and that smile has not left me. At that moment I never thought that it would have been the last time I saw you smiling. I love you Dad with all my heart and I'm so thankful for your wonderful example and your endless love for me. You are awesome, You're the best, You rock, and you are my best friend!!
I love you Dad and I miss you so so much!

Love, "Brown Lindsey"

Sunday, February 1, 2009

February 1, 2009

February 1, 2009- I'm struggling! There have been days when I know Dad is there comforting me, but for the most part I'm struggling. I feel so far away from my family. I try to go on everyday for my husband and kids but what I really want to do is crawl in a cocoon for about 6 months, I don't want to talk to anyone about it, and I don't want anyone to ask me anymore "How am I doing?" I know they mean well, but my heart starts to race and I cant breath! this happens to me all day long every day. I cant stop crying! & I cant stop hurting! I just want to hear his voice, or pass him on the road or have one last hug and slap on the back so hard it collapses a lung. I'm worrying terribly about our Mom being alone, I don't want her to be sad and alone @ the same time. I'm praying as much now as when I was in the hospital and reading my scriptures trying to find comfort in them. I feel a special closeness with Brian who has been an amazing support for me. As for today, another day of deep painful heartache. I miss my friend, secret keeper, mischief making negotiator, Dad. I wish you were here, I was not ready to let you go, I probably never would have been even if you lived until 100. Every second of every day are filled with thoughts of you. I know in time my heart will heal.
One things for sure! We are One Close Family! and there is a lot of love between us.