I just wanted to tell everybody thank you for all your love and support through this difficult time, it means so much. I have been busy taking care of lots of paper work and trying to adjust to this new way of living. I am so thankful for my family and all the loving support that they give me. It is good to have spring time coming and being able to see the flowers blooming and hear the birds sing. Each day is a new challange and I have certainly learned a lot. I know that Heavenly Father loves us and that Ted is not far away. Thank you all again.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
I'm sitting at the airport waiting for my flight to Salt Lake and i have to admit I'm scared to death. This will be the first time I've gone back since dad died 2 months ago. I'm so afraid to walk into the house like i always have and find him sitting in his chair watching TV...like he always did. I'm afraid to wake up on the couch where i always slept (even though there were plenty of empty beds) and hearing him say "Hey Bert! How about some waffs?" (short for waffles) He had such a funny way of abbreviating everything. I have a feeling that the reality of his death will finally hit me. I've done pretty well at holding myself together...or at least better than i thought i would. I'm nervous to go to the cemetery and most of all, afraid to break down in front of mom. In spite of the fear of all these things, i am so excited to see my family. I miss them terribly and feel so far away. I think this trip is going to pretty emotional but i'm counting on the happy to outweigh the sad.
I've adopted a new motto for myself and have gone so far as to write it on the inside of wrist every morning at work so i can see it all the time: ODAAT - One Day At A Time
Sunday, March 1, 2009
I have never been good at expressing my feelings and usually keep them to myself but I am having such a hard time. I am feeling so angry at that my Dad had to be taken away from us so soon. You know everybody keeps saying that it was his time to go that he had completed his time here on earth but I keep have that angry feeling about us what about us his family that has been left here without him??? How do I go on without him here for me, to talk to me, to help me, to be there when I need him? Maybe I am just being selfish but it is not fair that Heavenly Father would do something like this to me to my family. I hate the thought of my mom having to be home alone by herself especially at night not being able to have my dad there with her just his presence being there knowing that she is not alone and there is somebody else in the house with her. I have been told that I need to have faith but how can I when I tried to have faith in the hospital that he would get better and Heavenly Father still took him away from me! How is it every going to get any easier knowing that is going to be so long until I see him? I really don't see how people who have gone through something like this keep going. It is always on my mind I try to keep busy so that I don't think about it as often but it is so hard. I miss him so much!!! This really sucks! Dad you were the best Dad that anybody could ask for your kindness and caring for other the way you loved us and our kids. I don't think that I ever told you enough how much I appreciated everything that you did for me I love you so much!